< / 3 我又emo了

这几天生病, 咳嗽咳到我死死下..

今天下午还发烧了..

还好及时吃药, 现在退烧了..

为什么要在这种时候生病啊?

快要考试了.. 想读书也力不从心..

今天下午拿起书就觉得想睡..

结果几乎整天都在昏睡状态..

好羡慕他们能开开心心的去玩..

希望病能够在生日前康复吧..

说起读书, 我真的不知道从何下手..

这次考试尽然一点tips也没有..

需要把全部都读完.. 该怎么办?

难道真的要考四科fail三科吗?

好懊恼.. 没办法了, 唯有读吧..

希望能顺顺利利的通过吧..

昨天很顺利地考完了autocadd.

虽然有一点点还没写完. 但总算是过了.

考完后, dear告诉我下个星期一去唱k.

那一刻我的确blur了一下, 没想太多,

只想着我的声音都这样了, 还怎样唱呢?

后来才知道, 原来他们是要庆祝我的生日.

当我知道的时候, 真的好开心.

他们竟然还记得我的生日.

我还在build.con note上画了一个笑脸 =)

宝贝看到也笑我.

但开心就只是那么一下下.

不久后我知道, 他们也打算那天给nick khee惊喜.

名义上跟我庆祝, 然后再偷偷跟他庆祝.

一转间, 有种感觉....

我的生日就这么没价值吗?

为什么会用来换取了别人的惊喜?

虽然他们可能并无此意.

但我还真的难过了一下下..

算了吧, 有人记得你的生日已经算很好了.

总比没有的好, 现在的他们,

比起以前的他们, 真的好很多了...

别怨这么多了吧....

我应该开心..

最近宝贝已经很多烦恼,他已经很伤心了.

我不应该再增添他的烦恼.

我不开心会让他担心的.

Tracy Cheah, 你一定要加油 !! =)

❤ 心情被干扰了

今年的圣诞节, 我变了.
以前都是把男朋友放第一.
可是今年我却选择了朋友.

忽然被某些事情打扰了心情.
不想写了.

只想说一句话,
大家有把我当朋友吗?
算了.

❤ 可悲

有时候, 生气了也没人知道的感觉..
真可悲..

今天大家竭尽所能的为着美薇的生日而做准备.
会有人记得我的生日吗?
生日在假期, 还是考试前..
看来也不会有人记得吧..
反正从来就没有过一个开心的生日..
明年的也不期望会快乐吧..
别方太大的期望,
得来的, 可能就只有失望..

明天和后天的我,
希望是开心幸福的..
晚安..

美薇, 生日快乐..
大家还在努力地为你生日筹谋哦..
要快乐啊 =)

< / 3 Speechless

Your 1 sentence,
" You back home first lar,
I think I'll follow them. "
Do you know what my feel?
Maybe you don't know,
My mum ask me to eat before home.

I'm okay.
I just speechless you never ask about me.
I just speechless you never care about me.
I just speechless you always let me alone.
I just speechless you let me disappointed.
I just speechless.
I'm okay.

Never mind, maybe I was too stick with you.
Caused you have no time to gather with your friends.
I'll control myself.
I'll control not to find you when I need you.
I'll control not to find you when I miss you.
Maybe you can get more freedom.
Just do everything what you want.
I'll just follow.
I'm okay.

< / 3 苦

今天, 是我最倒霉的一天吧.
电话不见了, 又生病了.
电话是掉进沟渠了.. 唉..
不过还好, 比起被人偷,
我宁愿是掉了..
不过还是很伤心.. =(
不见的时候, 宝贝在考试..
我也不好打扰他了..
后来, 我告诉了他.. 用dear(玲)的电话..
一开始, 我找不到他, 好无助..
过了不见, 他就打回给我了..
才发现他必须跟小美庆祝生日..
虽然没怪他, 但其实真的很希望他在我身边..
听过电话后, 不知怎么,
就崩溃大哭了.. 虽然是无声的..
但还是被dear发现了..
没事没事, 我很坚强的 =)

咳嗽, 伤风, 发烧, 喉咙痛,
统统都来找我了.. 讨厌啊..
很讨厌吃药.. 好苦哦..
panadols太大粒了, 不会吞 =(
结果妈咪帮我弄成两半,
就变成四粒了.. 呜呜~
好痛苦才把它吃完哦..
妈咪还说我整个小孩子酱..
这么大了还不会吃药..
我就是讨厌嘛!! T_T

圣诞节快到了..
最近的花费好像都好大..
不是我花费很大,
是最近该花费的费用都好多..
他们策划了要在james家bbq..
可是, 我又想跟我的宝贝过..
两边都想.. 怎么办? =(
今天Liping说,
其实我可以叫埋宝贝跟我们一起..
(她指的是平时出去..)
其实好开心哦..
因为我也希望宝贝能跟我的朋友们也认识..
甚至可以一起玩..
可是, 好像比较难..
我也不知道是宝贝的关系,
还是我的朋友们的关系..
算了吧, 顺其自然..

大考快到了.. 该怎么办?
我什么都还没开始读..
肯定死了.. 就气自己怎么这么懒吧..
唉.. 明知道该多做练习,
可是却收拾不了心情..
到底什么时候, 我才能勤劳点呢?
给自己打打气!! =)

虽然厄运在此, 就像我之前所说的,
厄运过去, 好运将会降临.
别气馁别气馁..~ okay! 好了. =D

❤ 爱老天爷 =D

嘻嘻, presentation过了.
这个sem应该没有present了吧? =x
最讨厌就是present了.
可是今天老师给我们的评语却不错哦!
老师说我的pronounce不错, 超开心的! =D

今天的我, 心情保持晴朗状态 ^_^
老天爷发现昨天对我太残忍了,
今天疼回我了~ 最爱老天爷了~ =P
今天也是build.mat班的最后一堂课.
我们一直要老师给我们tips =x
结果老师给我们最大的tips就是,
You all just concentrate on what we learn.
哈哈哈, 谢谢Mr Yong~
这已经是我们最大的tips了 xD
希望, 可以pass咯~ 要加油! =)

今天放学后本打算继续画图的.
但是宝贝忽然要去参加meeting,
所以不得空陪我了. 没办法咯~
唯有明天才继续画吧.
gai gai计划又失败了 T_T
没关系吧, 就算今天把图赶完了,
明天也不好去逛街, 毕竟星期三还有test.
听他们说, measurement很难.
唉, 虽然还没考, 我应该会拿很低分吧.
算了, 还没考就别泄自己气了.
继续加油吧 !! =D

反正今天这么早回来, 就做别的事吧.
待会的功课就是,
1. Power point
2. 整理Building Materials "Tips" =x
3. 温习Building Services (可是我不会 T_T)
List好美哦 =D
可是, 都不知道自己有没有这样的毅力. =_=
我想是没有啦. 哈哈~
可是Power point就一定要做完了.
他们应该明天就要combine了吧.

宝贝宝贝, 在哪里呀?
好想你哦 =(

< / 3 最糟的周末

昨天才跟他们说, 我最喜欢星期六了.
因为周末是最开心的. 也是最轻松的.
可是今天却是我最糟的一个周末.

今天, 我被人放了四次飞机.
今天的感觉, 让我想起以前的一天.
那是被她们放过一次飞机后,
我就从此不想再约她们了.
或许是我小气吧.
可是我真的很讨厌被爽约的感觉.

昨晚上, 宝贝因为误会我,
而跟我吵架了. 不过后来, 没事了.
今天, 我们回到学校画我们的图.
约了他们, 本来打算,
画完图后, 就可以开始温习了.
结果, 去的路途中,
我就被人放了今天的第一次飞机.
算了, 我也不想回信息了.
后来, 我们在学校边画图边等.
结果, 到最后还是等来等去等没有.
这是今天的第二次飞机.

画画着图, 跟宝贝去走走.
却被宝贝的无心作弄给伤害了.
哭得好惨. 却是第一次哭的时候,
是不想靠着他的. 还把他推开.
宝贝应该被我吓坏了吧.
过会儿, 没事了.
可是回想起, 还是会觉得难过.

这时候心情还没到达最差.
最差的是, 我又再次被放飞机了.
本来约好了miko,weiping和宝贝.
一起去我家温习.
结果, 却某些缘故, 飞机起了.
直接没心情到一个极点.
回到家, 本来约了前男友.
因为他有东西要给我.
第四次飞机, 又来了.

算了算了, 我讨厌今天.
还有19分钟, 赶快过完.
拜托~

明天有英文present, dialog还没搞定.
希望别这么衰. 顺利通过吧.
之后还有考试. 唉..

宝贝也feel到了我最近的压力.
其实除了压力,
我发现, 我最近比较爱哭......

❤ 愧疚

终于把全部assignment都交了.
现在只剩下power point和present了.
下个星期还有两个test. 烦死了. =(
今天看过了completed的assignment.
觉得好愧疚. 唉..
感觉我这组里是做的最差的.
让james帮我改了这么多.
真的觉得很不好意思.
昨天帮miko做, 觉得帮她做的还比自己的好,
mui wee开玩笑说, 那重做啊.
我还真的想重做. 可是, 来不及了..
心里很不好过. 为什么我这么笨? =(
开始觉得不喜欢group assignment了.
要是individual的,
就算是自己做的不好也不会怎样.
最多还不是自己低分就好.

不知怎么, 每个星期五都觉得压力.
每次上measurement都会觉得有一种感觉,
一种我快要完蛋的感觉.
一种我肯定会fail很多科的感觉.
measurement有这么多东西要背.
该怎样去背啊? 我背东西最差了. T_T
怎么办? 怎么办? 怎么办?
我不想去不了year2...
不想离开我的朋友.. **叹气**

接下来还有一张图要交.
终于是最后一张了.
之后一定要争气点啊, 一定要好好温习.
我可不能考四科fail三科啊. T_T
救命啊!!! 谁可以救我?!!
measurement谁可以教我?!!
building services是什么东东?!!
building construction II怎样背进脑?!!
english for communication老师你在哪?!!
autocad老师你可不可以不要大喊大叫?!!
technical drawing可不可不要这么复杂?!!
building material可不可以不要再fail了?!!
呜呜~ 我果然不是读书的料~
真糟糕, 沮丧了.. =(

加油吧, 谢佩燕!!

❤ 压力

刚把一部分的assignments做完了.
就快要去睡了, 等头发干.
等的同时, 就来更新下吧 =)

这个星期, 使我们有史以来,
最忙的一个星期.
我们需要在这星期交出3份assignments.
虽然其中一个是outline.
可是以足够成为了我们的压力.
其实上个星期就知道了要面对.
但是当时还不觉得有压力,
即使到了现在, 还是没有. =x
可是身边的朋友, 尤其是我的dear(玲),
都很压力. 让我也不知觉想把它们做好.


刚做完后的感觉, 就只有两个字, 轻松 ^_^
虽然, 这只是短暂的轻松.
下个星期又要面对两个test了.
希望一切顺顺利利 >_<
Build. Ser, 说起来很容易.
真正要去明白, 对我来说, 好难哦 =(
不过我的宝贝答应了他会教我~
就等他吧~ =P (我是顽皮的咯 =x)

**最近的宝贝越来越疼我了,
让我越来越依赖他.. 爱他 =)

**Dear美玲, 希望她不要想这么多啦,
还有我们啊 =D 虽然我帮不了她什么啦 >_<

**最近跟weiping很少见面和相处哦~
想他了~ 臭weiping =(

**傻婆miko, 恭喜你终于搞定了你被退学的事.
看你以后还敢不敢这么糊涂 =P

好了, 是时候回房间了 =D
晚安 ``````` ~

< / 3 失败

失败了 , 又再次失败了 ..

往往都是同一个原因 ..

每次不会学乖 ..

错误永远都在同一点 ..

每一次 , 都是因为紧张 ..

可是这次不是因为紧张 ..

就是选错歌 ..

每次认真的准备 ,

总是失败 ..

每天都带着希望 ,

笨 , 不带希望就好了 ..

明知道自己没这个本事赢了 ..

还抱什么希望 ..

直接audition里输了就好了嘛 ..

为何要给我一丁点的希望 ..

我辜负了为我加油的朋友们 ..

谢谢你们特地来为我加油 ..

我真的感动到 .. 谢谢 ..

输了 , 他们都告诉我 ,

没关系 , 当拿经验 ..

没关系 , 过了就好了 ..

没关系 , 下次再参加 ..

可是 , 我害怕努力后的失败 ..

我害怕失败后的失落 ..

这一切感觉我都好怕 ..

感觉上我没有一样长处 ..

无论参加什么都是失败 ..

对自己 , 越来越没信心了 ..

怎么办 .. ?

不开心 ..

难过 ..

谁能救救我 .. ?

< / 3 谎言

原来 , 一句谎言真的可以这么的伤人 .
谎言所带来的痛 ,
真的不止是痛 .
一句谎言, 不止是伤害了别人 .
同时 , 也伤害了自己 .

我讨厌我自己 ,
明明就是很讨厌欺骗 .
尤其是感情里 .
但我却这么做了 .

我不会怪他也这么做了 .
因为 , 一切都是我的“好榜样” .

我的心 , 真的好痛 ..
好痛 ..
讨厌这样的痛 ..

我伤害了你 .
同时 ,
你也伤害了我 .
善意的谎言 ,
这真的是吗 ?

对不起 .
这是我唯一能说的 .


... < / 3 ....

❤ When you say nothing at all

反正他都是用translate来看了 =_=
那我以后都不要写英文了,
反正我英文写来写去还是差.
昨天才发现, 每当我写他关于他的东西时,
都是不开心的事, 都在说他坏话 xD
让朋友们都以为我不快乐.
其实并没有这么不快乐啦 =P
只是我爱乱想东西, 就乱写咯.

我还很记得, 上两个星期三,
我们为了一些小事又吵架了.
当我们好回的开始, 就是上两个星期四,
他开始对我都很好了.
是我一直没发现他对我的好,
还是他良心发现, 对我好了. xD
不过, 我还是很谢谢他对我的好. =)
在我心情不好的时候, 安慰我.
在我身体不适的时候, 照顾我.
在我夜夜不睡的时候, 关心我.

Dear, 有没有发现我最近少laogai了呢?
这就是我之前没办法告诉你的事.
你会奇怪我为什么会常laogai.
其实, 我只是希望你能关心我多一些,
在乎我多一些, 宠我多一些,
哄我多一些, 让我多一些.
其实, 我要的就是这么简单. =)
最近的你, 都能让我感觉到被在乎.
让我感觉到好幸福.
就算是回到家, 也不会再乱想了.

往往幸福的同时, 会很害怕幸福的失去.
很怕这一刻幸福的我, 下一刻就失去了这种幸福. =(
好怕好怕, 对不起, 不要打我 >_<
这种感觉试过太多次了, 真的有恐惧.
但是目前来说, 我还是陶醉于这种幸福中.
希望能够一直陶醉下去, 不要醒来 =P

刚去了诚伟家steamboat, 蛮好玩的 =D
本来是希望留在他家玩通宵的.
可是我的dear不允许 =x
好吧, 唯有乖乖回家好了. T^T
drawing还有一点还没画完哦. 懒惰的我. xD
现在要犹豫, 这个星期四,
要不要跟他们去steamboat好呢?
最近虽然没去哪里, 可是却好像用了很多钱.
还想存钱的说 =(

啊! 好像来不及了! 怎么办?! T^T

那家伙又跑去跟诚伟玩dota了, 无奈 =_=
我也要offline了. 各位晚安 =D

❤ 拥抱日?

刚看了miko的部落格, 才知道今天是拥抱日.
拥抱日, 我要拥抱谁呢?
谁要让我拥抱啊? =)

昨晚跑去kepong吃糖水.
昨晚跟他们聊了很多, 也知道了很多.
感觉她真的比我辛苦.
可是, 现在的她好幸福.
至少, 他已经知道错了.
现在紧紧地粘着她.
她, 现在应该打从心理幸福开心地笑吧.
好羡慕. 可惜很多东西,
再怎么羡慕, 也羡慕不来吧.
希望你们一直幸福下去咯.

最近很奇怪, 希望我还是单身.
如果我还是单身, 应该就不会常不开心吧.
单身的朋友, 其实, 单身并没有不好.
从朋友那里看到一句话.
single is simple, double is trouble.
或许是真的.
额, 关心我的朋友们,
别担心, 我并没有不开心.
我偶尔, 也是幸福开心的. =)

最近都在忙功课,
也有在专心上课了.
感觉很不错. =)
希望可以一直维持下去.
加油!
Measurement Assignment!
我来了! =P

❤ Boring

Actually nothing to update ,
just feel very boring here .
I miss thursday ..
That day I felt happiness .. =)

Friday , Saturday and Sunday ,
Three days holidays .
Opps , sien =_=
Today got two people said me kelian .
What now ? =_= I got that kelian meh ?
Hate people say me kelian ,
Seems I really so pity gam .

I hate 'Oh' , 'Lols' , 'Kelian' and 'Swt' !
Please do not say all of these while chatting with me .
If not , I'll stop chatting with you !
Even him , Heng ! =(

They are planning to steamboat this coming Monday .
Still considering want to go or not .
I want to save money and on-diet , =x
Oh ya , should I do part time job ?
Really need money recently ! =(

I want to disappear ! Can I ? =C

< / 3

heart broken .
short post here .
going to sleep right now .
hope I can fall asleep .
good night .

......

❤ Understand = 了解 ?

Recently like to see his blog .
Means previous blog he wrote before .
Feel that , I really don't understand him .
Between a couple , is it shouldn't have any secrets ?
Or should have some space to each other ?

The answer for me ,
No , couple shouldn't have any secrets .
But the answer for him ,
Yes , should have some space to each other even a couple .
Funny , right ? HAHAHA , Sorry , not funny at all .
This is the problem .
We have different thought and ways in love .

Every time I feel that want to know him more .
But I feel like got a wall between us .
Is that he still used to his single life ?
What should i really do ?
Give up to more understand him ?
Follow his way of love ?

Many question marks in my brain right now .
All the answers are , I Don't Know !
I feel tired for everything .
Honestly , I felt want to give up before .
Just because , I still love you .
Thus , I still persist for it .
Once I give up , not mean I don't love you anymore ,
Just because , I feel too disappointed on you .

Sudden thought .
4am right now .
Good Night .

❤ 绝望

题目开得有点严重 . 其实没有这么严重啦 .
只是不知道要放些什么题目 . 所以就这样吧 .

从星期四开始吧 . 本来昨天要update了 .
可是很累 , 加上心情很糟糕 .
所以又延迟到今天了 .

28/10/10
今天跟朋友上完课没事做 , 结果跑去捐血了 .
一开始我不够重 , 所以就跟miko跑去吃东西 .
吃完后回来 , 果然真的够了 . 刚刚好 . =P
终于知道自己的血型了 . 摆了一场乌龙 .
还以为自己不是爸妈的女儿叻 . xD
捐血的时候出了一点意外 ,
不知道护士是没注意到我的血压还是插错了 .
护士帮我越插越深 . 痛 ~ T^T
在那个时候 , 真的觉得好想他在身边 .
很可惜的 , 原来他那时候是想要回家了 .
并没打算要来找我 . 很失望 .
算了吧 , 他并不知道我发生这么不幸的事 .
后来捐完了 , 我们就去画图 .
本来以为没事了 , 虽然手还是会痛 .
谁知道画画下我竟然头晕得不得了 >_<
后来在外面坐了一下 , 好很多了 .
跟他聊了下 , 聊得很不开心 .
那一刻 , 我觉得我们好像快结束了 .
可是他叫我不要乱想 . 我能吗 ?
晚上 , 为了哄我 ,
他终于肯带我去吃花生糊汤圆了 .
其实蛮开心的 , 可是被不开心的心情盖过了 .
今天的心情 , 好沉重 .

29/10/10
早上的课没去 , 因为早上太累了 , 好不舒服 .
不过再累还是要去 , 因为有test .
完全没读到 . 不过还好没有很难 .
多亏苇彬的悉心指导 哈哈哈 ~
考完试就能走了 . 很想去看他present .
可是怕影响他 , 所以还是没去 .
跟着他们去tbr吃 , 顺便等他 .
今天我们开始keyboard班了 , 嘻嘻 =P
原来我才是最没有天分的那个 T^T
老师叫我重复好多次哦 .
可是真的蛮喜欢keyboard的 =)
所以我要加油 ! 努力把指法练好 !
然后努力存钱买keyboard ! =D

30/10/10
平平淡淡 . 没事发生 .
剪了头发 , 不知道好不好看 .
个人觉得不会不喜欢啦 . 嘻嘻 .
准备要去尝试卷发了 . =)
现在跟一个八婆 - 嘉薇在dolphin .
要走了 . 不然那个八婆要强奸我了 xD
拜拜 ~~

❤ Improve

Hmmp , 这篇我打算用华语和英文来写 .
这样才公平 . =P
他可以学华语 , 我也能improve下 .
可是我想他不会这么用心去看吧 =_=

I felt kinda unhappy these few days after monday .
I don't know why , feel like everything back to before .
I never tell him about this .
Because , I promised him ,
I must more faith in him .

但是我想 , 胡思乱想是难免的吧 .
最近看了很多文章 .
胡思乱想是因为太过于在乎 .
可是他在乎我的胡思乱想吗 ?
或许他会觉得我无理取闹吧 .

Sorry for yesterday ,
I not only can't help you anything about the outline ,
also refute your idea ,
made you no mood to continue .
That's why , finally i choose to accompany you ,
support you silently .
Causing I had headache . >_<
But I hope that I'll always be there when you need me .

今天的你 , 或许是太累的关系吧 .
说了让我觉得蛮伤心的话 .
对于measurement , 刚开始时 ,
我真的很怕会fail , 因为老师说 ,
如果test fail了 , 就必须repeat .
我告诉了你 , 你却告诉我不fail就好了 .
对啊 , 对你来说或许简单吧 .
可是我真的没信心 . 结果你却没回复我了 .
当你回复我的时候 , 却是告诉我说 ,
因为你不知道怎样哄我 , 所以选择没回我 .
一句支持的话真的有这么难吗 ?
我没对这个继续跟你讲下去 ,
因为我害怕我们又会不开心了 .

Today sing k with my gang .
Not that excited . Maybe because of my mood .
Sang quite few songs .
Keep noticed in my phone .
Waited for his message .
After 2hours , finally he message me .
But soon , he fall asleep .
Traffic jam caused me home at 9pm . >_<
Turn me fall asleep when I laid on my bed .
Had a short talk with him .
Now , he is being pig again . =)

刚刚跟韦彬聊了下 , 或许真的是他今天太累了吧 .
我不该乱想太多 . 就让今天的他 , 好好休息吧 .
每天都在希望着 , 他别再对我忽冷忽热了 .
他心情不好的时候 , 我真的不知道该怎么办 .
很无助的感觉 . 到底什么时候 , 我的感觉才能稳定下来 ?
这样的感觉好难过 , 虽然很努力的在坚持着 .
可是我也会有想放弃的时候 ,
我是女生 , 我也会有累的时候 .

因为爱你 , 所以坚持 .
但也因为太爱你 , 总是伤了自己 .

❤ 叛逆

很久没用华语来写了 , 这次就用华语吧 . =)
昨天181010 , 是我最开心的一天 .
虽然在回家的时候有点小小的意外 ,
可是只要有他在 , 再坏的事情都会变的不这么坏了 . =P
谢谢他总是在我不开心的时候 ,
给予我一个拥抱 , 一句"不怕 , 有我在" ,
让我觉得安慰了许多 ..

前天晚上他在我旁边顽皮的在玩着河童 .
本来我只是想作弄他 , 谁知道把他吓着了 .
那一刻看到他的表情 , 我才真正的感觉到 ,
第一次感觉到 , 他是真的很爱我的 ..
我哭了 .. 为什么 ? 够白痴的我 .. >_<
不知道 , 只是觉得自己好幸福好幸福 !
很久都没试过这样了 , 喜极而泣 =P

刚刚把English Presentation的outline做完了 .
总算是完成了一步 , 可是 ..
还要present啊 ! 够倒霉的 !
竟然抽到了二号 ! T^T 多谢Dear啊 !
哈哈 , 没有啦 , 其实二号也有二号的好 .
那我就可以快点完成 , 快点轻松 .
更可以更专心的在别的assignment了 . =)

最近都很晚回家 , 是我变叛逆了吗 ?
但是 , 我从以前就是这样 , 不是吗 ?
为什么妈咪最近变得这样神经兮兮了 ?
唉 .. 我觉得好累 .. 我好想要回以前的那个妈咪 .
以前无论我出到有多晚 , 只要一个交代 ,
就不成问题了 . 可是现在 ... ?
为什么会变成这样 ?
这样的家 , 让我好想逃离 ..
刚才在Dear的面前 , 多次想告诉他 ,
我好想好想搬出来住 ..
可是我说不出口 , 不知道为什么 ..

跟他在一起一个月了 =)
谢谢Dear送给我的礼物 ..
Dear给了我几个惊喜 , 还真的蛮意外的 .
嘻嘻 .. 害我好paiseh =_=
不行 , 下个月我一定要完成 ! =D

Dear , ILY ! ❤

❤ Aiks

See ! My mood is getting wrong again !
What's wrong with me these few days ?
Keep think something negative . aiks .
What I think ? Love , Friends or Studies ?
All of these I think .
I realize I really lack of confidence in all the things .

Studies
I really scared I can't complete the diploma course .
Ha ha ha , not funny at all . =_=

Friends
Funny thing is ,
I feel that I always been forgotten .
Maybe , I'm not so that important in their heart .

Love
Since when I lack of confidence in this ?
I really don't know .
Maybe , long ago .


Well , as he said ,
Things should be happy .
I hope I can do that .

More 5 hours ,
I'll go for gym with my dear .
He was decided for join the teakwondo championship .
I'll going to support him on Sunday . =)

Finally , he was decided all the questions around him .
I hope I can help him when he feel confuse or hesitate .
I really wish to though I always can't to make a decision . >_<
We'll learn keyboard together soon .
Happy and excited for it . =P

It's happy to heard you said ,
I'm your first and also the last one .
I hope that is not just a sweet words .

Hmmp , in fact ,
I should be sleep before 2hours .
Sorry , don't angry .
I know I'm always naughty . >_<
But I really scared to see your ANGRY face .
You know that , right ? =(

Good Night .
IMY ❤

❤ Difference

Sorry Dear , I haven't sleep yet .
Because I feel like to blogging now .

I hate the feel .
Very different feel .
That's why every time I don't feel to home .
Forgive for my willful .

I'm afraid the same thing will be happen again .
I'm afraid I will lose you .

I hate myself .
I hate I always simply think .
I hate I always think negative .
Although you ask me reduce it to 20% ,
It's hard for me .
Forgive again , for my useless .

Dear , I Love You .
Always be .

Good Night .

❤ Sorry Dear

maybe ,
this was 1st time I'm not beside you when you need me ..
sorry dear , I'm really felt helpless and tired yesterday ..
I don't know whether we can solve all those problem or not ..
you said I have not enough faith in you .. didn't even a little ..
I don't know what should i say when you told me these ..
so , I choose to not reply you ..
I never want to escape this problem ,
but , I really speechless and helpless at the moment ..

when you tried to settle down our arguement ..
I cried serious immediately ..
I cried , not because of I angry ,
I felt suffer why we can't like normal couple ..
I cried , not because of I sad ,
I felt not worth why we always argue because of little thing ..

I like the feel we stay together ,
I hate the feel after we both back home ..
I hope I can see you every day ,
every hour , every minute , even every second ..

Dear , I know sometimes I'll so easy to angry or stress ..
make you feel suffer and tired ..

Sorry Dear ..
maybe , I were too care about you ..
maybe , I'm not the person that you really needed ..
maybe , we shouldn't have a start ..
maybe , we don't suit each other ..

Sorry Dear ..
I felt depression .. felt that ,
you're not happy after we stay together ..
you need to face more problem that you never face before ..
I can't even give you some supports ..

The only word I can say now ..
Sorry Dear .........

❤ Hate Pm =(

I remember that i used to like to walk pasar malam very much ..
because i like the feel of walk and buy anything i like ..
but i hate it now ! .. =(
because he was 1st time rejected me just reason of this ..
quite sad to heard rejected by him ..
especially is the thing i like to do with but he don't like ..
i won't suggest to go anymore .. wuwu ~
maybe , our hobby really very big different ?
i don't know .. sad .. T^T

Today is my dearest friend , Yuby's birthday ..
but we are no one to wish her today ..
because we decided to give her a surprise tomorrow .. =P
haha , wait for our surprise ! =D

3am now .. it's time to write my ABC jor =.=
quite hate it .. but as he said ..
everything stand from another side to see ,
besides the difficult and trouble ,
you can get satisfactory when you done ..
hmmp , something like that .. xD

it's happy to heard wei khang was decided to continue study ..
furthermore , he was in love already ! xD
everyone is happy .. that is what i hope now .. =)
love you guys ! muacks ^^

Good Night To All My Dear ❤

❤ For You

我没有很想你
我只是在早上醒来的时候，看看手机，
有没有你发来的信息，有没有你的未接来电。

我没有很想你
我只是在上网的时候，首先关注你的空间，
看看你最近是不是有更新。

我没有很想你
我只是在聊天的时候，翻阅你发给我的短信，
看着你的照片，回忆一下那些美好时光。

我没有很想你
我只是饿了会想你饿么，冷了想你会冷么。

我没有很想你
我只是走在大街上看到男男女女，
好希望那一对对里有我们。

我没有很想你
我只是把你的来电调成唯一的铃音，放在我身边，
并时不时的看看是否自动关机，是否信号良好。

我没有很想你
我只是在吃小吃的时候，想如果你能和我一起吃，
那该是多幸福的事啊。

我没有很想你
我只是在听歌的时候，偶尔会被某句歌词击中，
想第一时间让你知道我的感受。

我没有很想你
我只是想看看你的样子，听听你的声音。

我没有很想你
我只是在别人无意提起你的时候，
放下手上的工作，专心的听着关于你的一切。

我没有很想你
我只是在睡前紧握着手机，等待着你的情话，
等待着你说晚安。

我没有很想你
我只是睡不着的时候想想你，
但是，我不知道我是因为睡不着而想你，
还是因为想你而睡不着

我没有很想你
我只是在每次醒来的时候，第一个想到你……

或许想念只属于某一个人，如果两个人都在想念彼此，那一定是一对幸福的恋人

我很想你

刚看到这个 ， 完全符合我想对你说的话 。
笨蛋 ， 你看见了吗 ？
你知道吗 ？ 一直都好想你 ...

❤ hmmp

hmmmmmmp , nothing .
just want to write down something ..

** Legend Of The First : Chen Zhen
** Charlie St Cloud
** Devil
** Wall Street : Money Never Sleeps

hehe , wonder why i will write this right ?
some of my dearest friends sure know one . =P

secret =)

actually secret quite difficult for me . =(
but i will stand for it ^^

it's time to sleep .
good night =)

❤ 懒惰

有好多的懒惰懒惰哦 =.=
一来 , 懒惰用英文写了 .
二来 , 懒惰写部落格了 .
三来 , 懒惰想东西了 .
哈哈哈 , 不过懒惰想东西 ,
或许是一件好事哦 . =P

这几天表姐来我家玩 ,
而我就带她去玩咯 .
不过只是玩了一天 .
第二天大家都各自玩了 . =x
我带她去kepong吃甜品和steamboat .
真的很喜欢吃甜品哥哥的花生糊 + 汤圆 .
这两天都吃了两次 . =P
steamboat的时候 ,
我们吃菇类还多过肉类 ,
哈哈哈哈 , 亏本货 . =x
后来我们打算去jusco看戏 .
结果烂jusco来的 , 没戏看的 -.-
后来我们还是回ampang看算了 .
我的傻表姐 , 一直想看鬼戏 .
所以我们就选看了the hole .
ermmmm .. consider as not bad ? o.0
看完就回家咯 ! 跟表姐三八了一下 ..
就睡觉了 . 隔天要早起哦 =)
这天的心情 , 有点糟糕的 .
因为发生了一些事情让我好伤心哦 . =(

隔天六点多忽然醒来 , 就睡不着了 ..
modem又来sot sot了 , 上不到网 ..
唯有用电话上facebook咯 ..
我表姐还被我吵醒了 , 哈哈 ~ 不好意思啦 ~
过后 , 我和表姐一起出门 ..
可是去不同的地方 .. 哈哈 ..
( 不好意思 , 有点懒惰写下下午的旅途 .. xP )
玩了一整天 .. 回到家其实蛮累了 ..
可是表姐最后一天在我家了 ..
所以就陪她一起找戏看吧 ~
看鬼来电2 =x 不恐怖的 ~ 还很闷的说 =.=
不知道是不是因为我很累的关系 ~
大约5点 , 就睡觉了 =)

表姐刚刚走了 , 好不舍得她哦 T^T
希望下个星期还能见到她 ..
理应上 , 我们是约了下个星期要出的 ..
可是 , 妈咪好像有点不爽了 .. >.<
而且 , 我的time table真的是有够pek cek的 !
很难可以抽到时间出来跟她们出 ..
可是我真的好想念她们哦 .. =(
我不管 !! 我要出 !! T^T

还有两天就开学了 , tong mui被换走了 .. >.<
希望他可以换回来吧 ~
希望开学后不要有太多的改变啊 ...
好怕好怕好怕 .. 越来越没有安全感了 ..
呜呜 ~~ 希望一切顺顺利利的 .. >.<
身边很多朋友都被换组了 ..
虽然不关我事 , 但是感觉怪怪的 ..
有点不开心哦 , 不知道为什么 .. =(
希望大家能换回自己所要的组吧 ..
就算不能 , 也要继续加油哦 ! =)

* 好怕我不能handle接下来要面对的学业 . *
* 好怕成绩出来的当时 . *
* 好怕我喜欢的生活会有所改变 . *

❤ I'm back

I'm back =D
few days penang trip were very happy for me .
it is very memorable also . =)
but i really every lazy to describe it .
if want to know it ,
maybe you guys can visit mc's blog . xD
( tuh , i said i will do like this already . =P )

actually , i don't know what can i write .
so , i just upload some photo of my childhood memories . =P
quite miss these memories . =)

keke , last time i got full set of the comic book .
but lost . =(


keke , always watched it with my cousin sister .
memorable . =P


minnie and mickey ^^


hahaha , i think every girls must have seen two of these .

snow white .


and cinderella . missssss ~ =)


nothing else can let me write d .
something i need to write in my secret dairy again . =(
so what i can blog here , finish . =P

* i miss you . *

❤ Obviously

alone at old town now . quite boring at home .
stupid modem got some problem , can't online .
no movies can let me watch .
so , just bring my lovely laptop come out and online .

chit chat with my friend just now .
he said me , these few days ,
my action include my blog ,
it's too obvious . ish ! really ?!
i have to control myself . >^<
but , even i'm act obviously ,
he know it already ? realize it ?
don't know . but i know ,
he is not a stupid . he was know , maybe .

today , my cousin missed the date again .
aiks , it's ok . at least she got told me .
date her next week again .
hope she won't miss it again .
miss her so much . T^T

nothing special these few days .
yesterday i can't fall asleep .
think a lot . sudden think about him .
don't know why i will regret that i didn't persist .
i miss him , i miss our memories .
i can't forget his expression in the last night .
the last night which we leave from each other .
no matter how much i miss him ,
i believe that , we won't be together again .
because , those memories are my nightmare .
i don't want to back to those life .

my new life started for 4 months already .
i should continue enjoy it .
don't think about past things . =)
become a truly happyy tracy . =P

* expecting my penang trip ^___^ *

❤ 贪心的感觉

今天没心情 , 不想用英文写了 .
stupid , 你最好别看吧 =(
今天的心情超差的 . 心里知道为什么 .
可是我却不能写在这里 .
只能在我的秘密日记继续 .

我心里的那个秘密已经隐藏了18天了 .
以前的我 , 心里从来不会有这样的秘密 .
我是怎么了 ? 变了 ? 胆小了 ?
跟久没联络的朋友聊天 , 他们都说我 ..
佩燕 , 你变了 . 以前的你不是这样的 .
以前的佩燕去哪里 ? 以前的佩燕很有自信的 .
对啊 , 我也觉得 , 自己的自信心全毁了 .
整个人变得胆小 , 不敢爱 .
现在这样的我 , 是好还是不好 ?
我真的不知道 ... 就算是不好的 ...
我也找不回之前的那个我了 .

今天去了kepong baru看taekwondo比赛 .
mc当referee , 不得空陪我 .
不过这早就知道了 , 所以我就自己看咯 .
比赛很快就结束了 , 因为我很迟才去 . =P
后来本来想等mc陪我吃晚餐的 ,
可是他想跟他的朋友一起吃 .
就算了吧 , 我还是不去打扰他了 .
问dear , 可是dear还没得空 .
问诚伟 , 本以为他也是不得空 .
因为他本来说7点有东西要忙 .
谁知道他却可以陪我哦 . 太感谢他了 . T.T
因为那个时候的我 , 真的很emo .
好难过好难过 ! 为什么 ?
我想这就是贪心的感觉吧 .
我不能这样哦 . 要懂得满足 .
其实我应该要很开心了 .
因为他还是对我不错啊 . =)

别想了 , 现在要好好计划 .
到底要什么时候去槟城呢 ?
到底要搭车去还是驾车去呢 ?
驾车去 , 又能驾谁的车呢 ?
还有group a到底要去哪里啦 ?
来来去去都没结果的 . >.<
假期过了一个星期了 . 快还是慢 ?
有点难想象开学的时候会怎样呢 ?
希望一切不要有太大的改变 . =(

* 我剩下14号和18号得空哦 ! *
* 谁要约我 ? =P *
* 不然你来约我好不好 ? >.< *

❤ moody

long time didn't update my blog already .
because the stupid modem got problem .
aiks . bad mood these few days .
i'm writing my blog with bad mood now .
6th i finished my last paper .
i having my sem break now .

06/09/10
after finished exam , i follow them to sg wang .
after we had our lunch , we went to roller skate .
i forgot that day's mood . maybe happy .
around 5pm , we came out and walked around .
after discuss , we continued our next round .
sing k .... felt .... not really nice .
hard to enjoy because of some reason .
actually we can sing untill 3am .
but we have no one drive to there , so ..
we have to back before the train station close .
who's idea ? =x hahaha .
k la stupid , we just kidding .
no one blame on you 1 . =P
that day i reached home around 1am+ .
have to thanks the bus driver .
we became vip that day . xD
why i say so , something happen ,
but i lazy to write it oh . =x

07/09/10
dated my dear to sg wang again .
around 2pm+ i meet with my dear .
we started our shopping . xD
we spent around RM250+ that day . =x
my dear cut her hair and me ...
set my hair became curly . =P
finally set it , but , i still don't know .
should i curly my hair ? will he like ?
maybe he like straight hair more . =(
around 8.30pm+ we reached james's house .
sorry , we were late . =P
we started to bbq , but can't full 1 . :(
after finished bbq , we went to james's room .
mui wee , yuby and daniel were slept .
dear , james and i keep chit chat in the room .
keep disturb them to sleep xD
nothing special ........................
morning , after we ate our breakfast ,
we went to jusco for movie . step up 3 again . =.=
luckily that day is wednesday , RM6 jek . =P
nite , accompany my family went for movie again .
originally i don't want to join them ,
but that day is my eldest brother's birthday .
have to accompany my dearest brother ^^
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST BROTHER ! MUACKS !!

09/09/10
nothing special , just boring at home =.=

10/09/10
i felt don't want to boring at home anymore =.=
dated kar lap to be my kepong tourist guide .
hahaha ~ he bring me to 1U =.=
in fact we want to sing k 1 , but too expensive .
because of HARI RAYA @.@
so we just had our lunch at wong kok .
after that , we back to kepong again .
because i want to eat the tim ben gor gor . =P
next , he bring me go to desa parkcity .
weeeee ~ really a wonderful place ~
hope one day can go with him =P
ish .. waited a stupid for so long ......
but he still doing and didn't eat ... pity ... =(

today ...... just now went go with yu .
hmmmp .. later will go station one with her .
long time didn't see her d .
accompany her more today la . =)

* actually i more enjoy to write my secret diary more than write blog here . =P becuase , in my secret diary , i can write down all the feeling . especially about him . because , i don't want to let him know what my feel . quite misssss him =) *

❤ dead .

now is 7.53am . at wei ping's house .
more 37mins , my dead time will arrive .
wuwu , stupid building construction .
make me faint . >.<
started , i really felt no mood to study .
but luckily mc asked me out to study together .
if not , i think i'll not memorize anything at all .
anyway , after this i think will be relax .
hope all the things go smooth smooth a . :p
to all my dearest friends , +U o !! ^*^

* i'm starting to feel unhappy and care ,
when he is keep mention something .
god , please tell me the answer .
what should i do now ? *

❤ happy and unhappy .

*** angry !!!! stupid line !!!! ***
*** deleted half of my blog !!! ***
*** want to repeat same thing again !!! ***
*** WUWUWUWUWUWUWU ~ ***

these few days happened a lot of things .
let me realize and understand many from it .
all the things happened so suddenly ,
make me don't know how to face it .
but , just forget it . everything were over .
all the things back to normal .
* i hope that he didn't see that blog *

this recently very naughty . >.<
keep thinking want to go out .
even during examination period . :D
this few days keep go out with mc and wei ping .
continued after friday steamboat .
saturday night , i went go mcd for my dinner .
with mc and wei ping .
after this , we were siao !! xD
we went to look out point , saga hill and 28 .
almost 5am i only reach home .
sunday night , we went for movies again .
we watched 2 movie continuous .
monday i just stayed at home . boring . :(

next turn tuesday , this day is the worst day for me .
afternoon , i msn with mc .
suddenly he suggested to come out for revise .
for me , sure DEAL . xD
around 6pm we reached wei ping's house .
discuss about where we should to go and finally ,
MCD AGAIN !!! hahahaha .
we study till midnight and something happened .
aiks .... forget it , forget it and forget it .....
don't feel want to say again d .
cried seriously in front of mc . sorry . :(

i didn't back home because of this .
so i stayed a night at wei ping's house .
never sleep that day because of my contact lens .
very sleepy and suffer . T.T
around 9.30am , i can't stand anymore .
fall asleep . but that stupid mc keep wake me up . >.<
he scared my contact lens will make my eyes become dry .
this is he told me 1 . don't know is it truth anot . =.=
after that , i checked for my exam slip and id card .
ishhhh . i forgot to bring my id card .
thanks for mc fetched me back home and bring it . :D

after that , MCD AGAIN !!!! @@
we did the final struggle before exam . hahaha .
around 1.30pm , we back to college .
aiks , dead time arrived .
i think i really need to ready for resit it . :(
who want to accompany me ? wuwu ~ T.T
aiks , don't think about it anymore .
its time to prepare next paper ,
BUILDING CONSTRUSTION !!!
hope this i can handle well . :)

yesterday thanks for my dear and zhen wei .
told me something made me quite happy . :p
but i know , it is impossible .
i really no confident at all .
i won't be the one which stay in his heart .
even i hope to .
as someone said ,
" this is my fate , not his fate . "
anyway , everything just let it be natural .
i believe that , if the happiness is belong to me ,
it will always stand by my side . :)

❤ suddenly .

suddenly got a feeling want to write down .
i just can tell you .
your attitude made me really dislike .
if you continue to do like this ,
i don't know what will i do .
feeling is just feeling .
no need to publish it to whole world .
especially my friend . okay ?
that's all what i want to say .
it's time to sleep right now .
to be continue tomorrow .
good night and good morning .


* finally i changed my blog link . :) *
* seems like a new blog . kaka ! *
* don't worry , i'll tell all of you a . muacks ! *

❤ respect

Respect , why you don't respect my decision ?
finally , i told you all my feelings .
but , i just hope you can promise me two things .
why so difficult for you ?
this is my thing and my feeling .
i really don't want to get hurt anymore .
so i chose not to tell things .
so i chose not to tell him how i feel .
because i know i will get hurt again certainly .
but why you can't respect me ?
perhaps, i hurt you .
so you want to do this to revenge me .
never mind , how you like to do just do it .
at least , i had told you all my feelings .
i hope you can find girl who can treat you nice .
* sigh * really very upset now ..
happy really so difficult ? happiness so difficult ?
i'm want to be happy , but can't to cheat myself.
well . don't want to say unhappy things already .
want to write down something fun yesterday .

english test yesterday .
fortunately not difficult as imagine .
should be no problem passing it . hahaha .
after the examination , all of us discuss at outside .
( In fact, i don't know what we discuss for . haha ! )
my gang of friends decided to go to w.w for movie .
i wanted to join them ,
because it is quite long time not with them .
but i had dated tony them , so join them next time la . ^^
i still love all of you a ! hehehe . Muacks ^^

after that we played badminton . played for two hours .
its really fun . but all of them bully me . * sobsob *
i had drank three cans of soft drink .
never tried to drink like this . hahaha .
after badminton , we chit chat at outside .
suddenly we study singing skills together .
stupid mc sang quite funny ,
he was pretended to get angry .
because we keep said he was singing out of tune. haha .

after it , we went to mc's house .
there have a great park nearby his house .
there really pretty big , we just walked a small part,
had spent 15 minutes for it . next .....

IT'S THE STEAMBOAT TIME .
but i ate every little . don't know why .
maybe i laughed untill full already . hahaha .
stupid mc la , keep make joked ,
made me laughing non-stop. xD
but i ate a lot of icecream is true. hahaha .

wuwu , its time to back home .
super tired and sleepy when i on the way to home .
i had almost closed my eyes several times .
in fact , i haven't to go home yet ,
i went to my brother's house .
because my nephew's birthday. hehehe .
so fast , my nephew is seven years old.
time really over so fast .
Soon had completed first sem .
3 months more , really happened a lot things .

next , have to prepare for the next subject ,
BUILDING MATERILA !! HATE IT !
the most difficult subjects. don't know how to do ! T T
i think i'll certainly fail this subject.
even now i still not in the mood to study a !
ready to resit it . sob . T T

i had dated wei ping to get dinner later ,
maybe also ask mc to join .
i want to find yu , but i don't know how to go sg long .
yu a ! ! ! ! miss you so much . . .
yen is very unhappy now ... sob sob ...

::: i do not know what respond he will if he knew ,
perhaps he will to avoid me ... *sigh * :::

❤ finally .

i never try to write my blog with english .
so i just try to write now . :D
cause someone said see my blog make his eyes blur .
kakaka . but my broken english is noob nia . >.<
dont laugh me i tell you . xD

yesterday 25/08 , the final exam was started .
our 1st subject is HE . ISHH !
i hate you HE !!!
i really plan to burn it as dear said .
but i have to keep it for my resit paper .
cause i think i will fail it for sure . :(
yesterday i told my mummy ,
prepare few hundreds to let me resit . xD
tomorrow is english exam .
even got tips for essey ,
i still never study . wait die tomorrow .

tomorrow , we have a nice plan . :D
after exam , we plan to go play badminton .
after that , we want go eat steamboat !!
hehe . want to eat steamboat so long already .
finally we want to go tomorrow . YEAH !!
but that stupid zhen wei don't know got join us or not .
cause his friend birthday celebration .
but really hope he can join us nia . :(
i will be back tomorrow to write our journey . :D

yesterday , finally i know that i can put down d .
this is last time that i say like this .
won't be confuse anymore . :)
because i really never think about him these few days .
happy ^^ and thanks for you .
you really lets me learn a lot .
now , i won't fall in love with others easily .
and i know how to protect myself already . :)
at the same time , i know .....
i had hurt someone deeply . * sigh *
i just hope can be best friend with you .
as you said , now i had put down him ,
and i can allow others come into my heart .
ya , maybe its fact . But now is not a right time .
i enjoy the time with all of you . its real .
hope we can keep in this situation , ok ?

its time to sleep right now . :)
good luck for all of my dearest friends .
i love you all a . muacksss . ^^

❤ 呜呜

昨天六点多才睡 , 刚刚12点多就被妈咪吵醒了 .
因为我们打算要换上网的package ,
所以就去tm point问问详情咯 .
可是等割线再弄回要等一个月哦 .
要我不上网一个月啊 ! 会死人啊 !
考虑考虑 . 不过换是要换了 .
所以 , 会提早买laptop .
那我至少还可以在外面上网啊 .
问了这些后 , 就和妈妈去了几个bank .
ppb , hong leong bank , RHB .
哈哈 . 好像大忙人哦 . 到处跑 .
过后 , 我就跟妈咪去验眼睛 .
呜呜 ~ 从小到大 , 最怕就是验眼睛了 .
因为很怕加深的感觉 . 感觉妈咪会骂 . >.<
可是没办法了 , 这次肯定加深了 .
因为现在上课都会看不清楚 . 看得很辛苦 .
弄到我抄东西都很慢了 .
连戴眼镜 , 也会觉得头晕了 . 没办法 . :(
去验了 , 果然 . 左眼350 , 右眼325 .
还好没有想象中的高 . 算幸运了 . 呵呵 .

好了 , 是时候温习功课了 .
明天还约了他们去唱k哦 .
我们这些人 , 还不怕死 .
隔天要考试还去唱k . 哈哈 .
没啦 , 轻松轻松啊 .
唱了后 , 我还要去弄我digi postpaid的东西 .
要割掉那个线了 . 不然好浪费钱 . :(
很不舍的那个电话号码 .
可能就把它换去maxis吧 .
然后呢 , 就是要买laptop了 . 嘻嘻 .
所以呢 , 今天要努力读的多少就多少吧 .
明天就不必这么辛苦了 .
加油 ! 读书去了 . :)

❤ 醒了 ?

我终于上到线了 >.<
那天被雷劈到后 , 线就一直不好 .
现在总算顺回下了 .
但不知道它又会什么时候发神经了 .
不管啦 , 趁可以上线的时候就来写写心情吧 .

刚刚一上到线 , 我就去注意他的msn了 .
让我看到了他写的东西 .
始终 , 他还是这么的想念着她 .
本来以为自己是失落的 .
奇怪的是 , 并没有想象的这么失落 .
过后 , 我再去看看dear写的东西 .
‘ 有时候 , 我们爱着的不是现实中的他 ,
而是回忆里的他 ....... '
我好像有被水泼醒的感觉 .
我好像也有这样的感觉 .
我爱的 , 到底还是他吗 ?
还是一直只是固执的我不肯放下过去的回忆 ?
或许 , 是吧 . 我放不下的 , 或是他给我的回忆 .
所以 , 每当我回忆起的时候 , 都总是这么难过 .
到底 , 我爱的是他 , 还是回忆呢 ?

昨天 , 听诚伟说他想放弃了 .
或许爱我 , 真的很辛苦吧 . 对不起 .
可是我会有难过的感觉 .
到底这个难过的感觉 , 是好像过去对kl那样 .
只是纯粹的不舍得 , 还是心痛 ?
我搞不清楚自己的感觉 . 啊 !
有时候真的会很讨厌自己 !
回到教会 , 我得到了两个很深的领受 .
一 , 真正的爱 , 不是在于你从对方身上得着什么 ,
而是你能够给予对方什么 .
我觉得很有意思 .
我们为对方的付出 , 是我们对他的爱 .
不该因为付出 , 而希望从付出里得到回报 .
二 , 要得到别人的爱或是爱别人之前 ,
先学会如何爱自己和了解自己 .
因为爱自己 , 我们才不会让自己受伤害 .
同时 , 也不会伤害到别人 .
昨天好开心 , 这个家让我觉得好轻松 .
在这个家 , 我不会去想不开心的事 .
甚至我能够感受到神和弟兄姐妹们给我的爱 .
好喜欢回到这个家 . :) FGA CYC !

刚刚跟朋友去温习功课回来 .
说是温习 , 也没读到多少 . 哈哈 .
不过都是这样的啦 .
还没到真正来临的那一刻 ,
我都还没知道死字怎么写 . 哈哈 .
不过其实蛮恐怖的 .
不知道该怎么考试啊 ! >.<
希望 , 一切顺利度过 !
啊 ! 读书的心情快点回来啊 !
Tracy啊 , 你乖一点吧 . >.<
加油 ! 加油 ! 加油 ! :D

❤ 更换

很多事情已成了事实 . 好难过 .
真的好不想接受哦 . 能够不要接受吗 ?
我好想亲口听你说一句 , 你对我完全没感觉了 .
可是 , 却好害怕听见 .
我知道我肯定会很伤 , 没办法接受 .
相反 , 如果一天我没能得到这个答案 .
我心里还是抱着希望 , 不想放下 .
觉得自己好逊哦 ! 为什么放不下 ?!
为什么要伤害对我好的他 ?!
全部朋友都说他好 , 都说他对我很好 .
可是为什么我却选择等待一个伤害我的人 ,
而不选择被我伤害却依然对我好的人 ?
我也不知道 . 这 , 就是感觉吧 .
爱情 , 好折磨人啊 . 讨厌爱情 !
今天我告诉他 , 我没有想恋爱的感觉 .
忽然的感触 . 或许 , 并不是我不想恋爱 .
而是 , 我的恋爱早已经死了 .
我想恋爱的对象 , 永远不可能会回来了 .
他不会回来 , 我知道 , 我不该停留在过去了 .
部落格的名字 , 也该换了 .
因为 , 我再也不是 ' 笨笨 ' 了 .
他 , 也不愿意再当我的 ' 傻傻 ' 了 ......

对于你 , 对不起 . 我总是伤害你 .
总是让你这么伤心 . 总是让你担心 .
真的很对不起 . 不要再为我付出什么了 .
好吗 ? 很不想伤害疼我的人 . 真的 .
谢谢你 . 谢谢你 . 谢谢你这么疼我 .
要考试了 . 加油哦 .
我也会好好加油的 .
虽然还不能放下他 , 可是我会努力 .
我会努力的不再想这么多的 . :)

朋友们 , 一起加油哦 !

❤ 习惯

凌晨了 自己一个人坐在电脑前
不想睡 不想读书 不想说话
静静的一个人 想了好多好多
我知道自己不应该再想这么多了
可是 允许我再想最后一次吧

你曾留给我的信息和留言
统统我都不舍得删除
一直好好的保存在我的电话里
回忆 也深深地住在我心里
看着你跟她走得越来越靠近
其实我很酸 酸得不得了
可是我却得假装
假装什么都不知道
假装我一点也不在乎
假装我可以跟朋友玩得很开心
全都是假装！我好辛苦..
为什么要对我这么残忍...?
曾经何时,我好想好想你.........

可是渐渐的..我也发现..
我可以习惯了..
保存在我电话里的留言和信息
我习惯了不再去回忆了..
你跟她的越来越靠近
有时会不开心,但也发现,
我开始习惯了.....
甚至是我的辛苦或是你的残忍
我也习惯了....
不知何时开始,我习惯不想你了...
我开始不会寻找你了..
虽然偶尔还是会傻傻的看看你
可是我知道,我已没有之前般在意你了..

现在对你的,只剩下祝福..
朋友与朋友之间的祝福..
还是希望,你能幸福快乐..:)